There is a stereotype that friendship is something that grows naturally and without effort. But people move around for school and work, have babies, or meet new romantic partners. Because of these factors, people can grow apart from old friends. In this article, we talk about practices that help you stay in touch with old friends and find new ones.
About 16% of Americans feel lonely and isolated. Have you been feeling lonely lately, too? It’s okay. Let’s learn what you can do about it in three steps.
Step 1. Analyze Your Friendgroup
Think of your social circle: your besties, close friends, and acquaintances. Draw each name inside a circle depending on how big a role this person plays in your life.
Place each circle at a distance that reflects the actual geographical distance between you. Here is an example:
Mark who you would like to see the most, which people you might want to get closer to, and which people you don’t like to hang out with.
Depending on circle size, distance, and your personal preference, choose what you would like to do with these relationships using the steps below.
Step 2. Reach Out to Old Friends
Research shows that people are hesitant to reach out to old friends they haven’t contacted in a while. Maybe you don’t have time or energy. Maybe you feel that this person has become a stranger to you. Still, people usually appreciate it when someone reaches out.
You can also invite people to reach out to you. Post on your social media page that you would like to hang out with people, listen to a local band, or attend an art fair. Maybe there is an old friend among your followers who would love to reconnect.
Studies show that people feel a sense of belonging and happiness when they interact with acquaintances, too. So don’t hesitate to get to know someone a bit better.
Step 3. Build New Friendships
Physical proximity and frequency of exposure are key predictors of friendship. Universities, dormitories, and workplaces are some places where you can bond with others.
There is also a “third place” besides home and work where people can meet and talk, such as coffee shops, hair salons, malls, local fairs, festivals, social clubs, hobby meetups, book clubs, and volunteer groups.
If you have trouble coming up with your own “third places,” do some research in your area.
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Search online and in Facebook groups.
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Check local newspapers and notice boards in coffee shops and libraries.
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Subscribe to event newsletters in your city.
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Start your own social club.
A third place can help you meet new people to connect with. If small talk feels difficult, try this approach.
Show interest by asking more about the person, and share a bit about yourself when you have a similar experience. For example, when talking about hobbies, ask what the person’s last project was and what was difficult about it. Ask to see a picture, then share a bit about your last creation. When you feel that a person likes you, suggest exchanging Instagram contacts.
Common conversation topics among friends. Source: Pew Research Center
Pro Tip: Try to remember the name of your new acquaintance. Remembering and using names can enhance personal connections and foster trust. Come up with an association to remember the name. Noah? Noah’s Ark! Chelsea? Football team!
Step 4. Keep Relationships Alive
At this stage, you have planted a seed of friendship, and it needs care and attention to develop into a flower. If you need to keep track of some of your relationships, try the Flower Buds website and turn each new and old friend into a flower you water and nurture. Try it here: Link.
Flower Friends Website
Feed two birds with one scone: throw a dinner party with old friends and new friends. Ask them to also bring a +1 you don’t know to expand your circle.
Make sure that people have a way to interact. For example, use blind contour drawing. You need paper, markers, and a timer. Pair people up and set a timer for one minute. Each person has to draw for the entire minute without looking at the drawing they are making.
I blind-sketched my co-worker:
To learn more about friendship, watch this 12-minute Kurzgesagt video:
Sources:
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Why social circles shrink and how to build them back up, The Washington Post
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Why are Gen Zers valuing friendships over romance?, The Washington Post
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What does friendship look like in America? Pew Research Center
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People are surprisingly hesitant to reach out to old friends, Nature